78

Happy Young Age, Daddy.

This is my dad. He turned 78 the other day. He wasn’t quite sure how old he was, so I told him. 78 like an old record. If I tell you about all his injuries you’ll think this is a story with one of those unreliable narrators. So I’ll only tell you a few.
He’s had 7 broken legs, a fractured skull, broken bones in his back and neck, and lost an eye. Last year he built a house for someone cos they needed some help.
He lives alone on 1,000 acres of land with no electricity, and drinks the water he collects out of the same dam his horses drink from.
Recently a bloke who owed him money “paid” him with a chainsaw instead of cash because the bloke had no money. The chainsaw turned out to be useless, a cracked block in the engine. Worthless.
So on my dad’s 78th birthday, he went into the town for some groceries, and the bloke was there. So my old man walks over and tells this bloke he’s not happy, and he’ll be expecting the money, and he can have his worthless chainsaw back. Now, this bloke’s about 50. And he calls my old man a prick, which is not very nice for one thing, and not very fair for another. Are you worried yet ?
My dear old dad had a triple bypass about 12 years ago, and his good eye’s not what it was, and he gets upset when people do the wrong thing. So at this point my old man…
Hey, I know. This is where I write tune in next week, for the next exciting instalment of….
Oh, alright then, my poor defenseless 78 year old dad punches the bloke out. One punch. Goodnight. Cranky old bugger. But that bloke should have had more sense. I can look after myself a bit, but I wouldn’t be silly enough to piss him off.
So now he’s been charged with creating a public nuisance or some such shit, which they used to call affray, and basically means fighting in the street.
Well, you know what… he was already my hero, but now I know what I wanna do before I grow up. On my 78th birthday, I’m gonna go looking for some idiot who should know better than to pick on old men, and I’m gonna keep up a fine family tradition, and get myself arrested. What do you wanna do to celebrate your 78th birthday ?

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10 thoughts on “78

  1. They don’t make men like that anymore. Tell your dad that he’s just made the heart of a young lady on the flip side of the world go pitter-pat.

    Happy birthday, Mr iPants, Senior.

    • I’ve spent much of my life watching lovely ladies’ hearts go pitter pat. Unfortunately more times for him than for me…
      And to resurrect another recent topic, just for a moment… what do you think of those forearms ? You should’ve seen them when he was a spring chicken of 70.

    • Ok, ummm, thanks. Trying not to blush. I may have got a few other things from him too, some of them also ending in ness… like madness. But we won’t go there today, will we ?

  2. I talked to him today – he never said a word about his little adventure. I guess daughters are for protecting from harsh realities. He’s one of a kind – old school & he deserves better than that idiot gave him. Would like to take a poke at the thieving mongrel myself!

    • I suppose that’s one advantage of being a manic lunatic. He has such a full life with so much happening at any given time, that he doesn’t dwell on an event like that for more than a few days. Also, daughters probably worry about such things, whereas sons are more likely to laugh with him about it and not chastise him and ask him to behave or look after himself a bit better.
      Maybe I should be a more responsible son, but really, he’s never gonna change is he ?

    • Ummm… Who ?
      I don’t know who you could mean. Surely not I, such a calm, gentle, tolerant person. I’ll hide some bail money under my mattress. You know, just in case I’m a victim of, umm, mistaken identity or something…

  3. What do I wanna do to celebrate my 78th birthday? If aussiebigmama’s bail out was unsucessful, I’d be visiting the 82 year old bloke in jail, with a basket of sausages, handcut hot chips and a vanilla slice or two. It would be like our second date.

  4. Well if I’m gonna get that sort of treatment I’ll go and get myself arrested today !
    Mango and sweet chilli chicken sausages ok ?
    See you in a few hours at the cop shop, and don’t say I never take you anywhere nice on a date !

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