Write What You Know ?

Page somethingorother, Touched with Fire by Kay Redfield Jamison.

So last night I wrote a suicide note. which is a bastard of a thing to tell people, although, fairly obvously, if you are now reading about it….. etc etc.
I’ve been Not Very Well in the Head lately, always happens for me this time of year, quite normal and nothing I can’t handle.
So I’ve been trying to get some writing done, and had this great idea to take advantage of it and write a suicide note one character may or may not end up writing in my FWIP. It turned out pretty well I think. Well it upset me a lot anyway. Anyway, there is a point to this stupid post.
Just having a problem spelling it out somehow.
Is it worth it, writing crazy shit when you’re not right, and it might make you worse ? Or should someone like me not write about anyone like me ?
Or, whatever, make up a better question and give me an answer, I’m a fucking moron to be writing this, I’ll probably be in the shit with everybody who knows me for doing it anyway, or maybe not, I don’t know, I’m pretty big and old and ugly now, maybe people realise I can look after myself and I might just be trying to find an answer to something. I suppose if it bothers anyone I could do a post about fluffy bunnies next.
Of course, those bastards, or mechanical versions of them anyway, have been known to inflict certain injuries of their own. 33 years ago today in fact. Fuck them.
Can anyone believe how much I rant, considering I don’t even drink ? Almost seems like I should start, just to have an excuse.
Anyway, if anyone has any sort of answer to any of those questions half way down this rambling pile of shit, I’d love to hear it.

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14 thoughts on “Write What You Know ?

  1. Okay, Mr iPants, I much too far away to give you the TLC you deserve and I have faith in Ms iSkirt to look after you.

    People always say it’s better to write things down, say them in a loud clear voice, get it all out. But in my experience the problems can be exacerbated by the focus those things require. The character in my WIP is a cutter so of course I had to write cutting scenes, and do you think it cleared the air somehow? Hell no, those scenes cost me several juicy new stripes, it’s a fucking nasty addiction that is best handled by diversion.

    All this bullshit one-size-fits-all therapy advice is not helpful. Listen to your own mind, gauge your own reactions. If you feel that writing about suicide makes you suicidal, don’t go there. Or at least don’t go there until you get your mind right.

    I don’t know that this is all that helpful. Sorry, Harry. Take care of yourself for god’s sake, I’ve become attached.

    • Firstly, I’m an idiot to write a post like this. Secondly, you are one brave girl to share what you did, and to take on a project addressing what you are.
      And thirdly, good advice. I spent so long staring at death when I was younger, and I don’t really do that any more. So maybe I thought I’d be fine, or maybe I was like an old reformed alcoholic who thought he might just open a bottle and have a smell of it, I don’t know.
      Anyway, don’t worry about me, I’m fine…. ish… I mean, Yeah I’m depressed, manic, fucked up, but safe. I have kids, remember ? My life ain’t mine to throw away even if I wanted to. And thank you.

  2. Now, I’m new here so I don’t know how seriously to take this. Please forgive me if my response completely misses the point.

    One of my favorite books, all-time, is Lolita. Nabokov got in a lot of trouble for writing that book. When my students found out I loved it, invariably, some of them would ask–in much more circuitous, euphemistic terms– if the book made me feel like raping young girls. The best I could do for an answer is this: fiction is like a dream. It lets me go places I normally wouldn’t, have experiences I couldn’t, and learn from it. (Emphasis on learn.) Thank god I can’t be punished for the places my mind goes, because I really want to do things so I know what to think. Otherwise, I’m just letting others do the thinking for me.

    I’m so glad you’re letting writing take you places so you don’t really have to go there.

    • Thank you for answering my stupid post. I’m fine. Please see answer above…
      Don’t worry. It’s safe to visit here. It was strange, I’ve been Not Well for a week or so and hadn’t posted anything, and just thought I’d feel better if I did. And I was planning on posting a nice simple little thing, so much for that hey.
      And what a great way you have of putting things.
      Also, great synchronicity. Yesterday I went to the library to borrow Lolita, but it was out. And yes, exactly, it doesn’t mean I’m interested in young girls. Well, not quite true. There’s a 46 year young girl I’m somewhat interested in…

  3. Forget the fluffy bunnies – those buggers are generally feral & pass on nasty diseases. Not everything is as nice as it looks on the surface.

    As for suicide notes – you know your own mind. Guessing that you wrote it for a “character” inside yourself to see if it fit or not. Obviously it doesn’t so you can let that thought go.

    There might be a big part of you that wants the permanent solution but a bigger part of you is hanging in there because you still have things to say, things to do & you know there’s people who give more than just a bit of a shit about you that you’d inflict unbearable pain on if you signed that note in your own blood. Comes down to it, it’s them you might live for but it’s you that still has a future to share.

    I believe there’s still words inside you that need to get out before you become that permanent part of our memories. I’m not ready to be the oldest sibling – that job is yours for a long time to come, even if I have to smack you round the head with a fluffy bunny or two.

  4. Wouldn’t worry about me. I’m a Yellowbeard. You won’t catch me dying. They’ll have to kill me before I die.
    Besides which, there’s the matter of all these stories that have to be written.
    Might switch to writing fluffy bunny stories, waddaya reckon ???

  5. If I know you the fluffy bunnies will conceal sub-machine guns in their anal passages, smoke pot & the girl bunnies will look like Jessica Rabbit. There’s a wild storyline for you – go for it! Just don’t include a seatless bicicyle – it could trigger a wild round of pellet spraying (no puns intended)

  6. Sorry to have arrived so late. Note to self: subscribe to Harripants just as soon as you push “post comment.”

    Who the hell knows. Write if it makes you feel better. If it doesn’t, tear it up. Seems to me you tapped into some heavy and truthful stuff, given where your mind has been lately. I’d say tuck what you wrote away for a few days. When you’re feeling a bit better, take it out and have a look. If there’s something solid there you’ve done well by your character. If not, and it’s just a pile of rubbish, toss the mother fucker.

    Thank god for kids. They really are the great equalizer.

      • Thank you MSB. I feel way better today, so I took your advice and had a read of it just now. It’s actually pretty good, and at the moment, I kind of like that the character has it up his sleeve, but it hasn’t made it into the MS.
        Imagine trying to write such a note for oneself… it’d take so many drafts to perfect it, that by the time the writing of it was done you’d be wondering why you’d started.
        Hmmm… seems like there’s a book in that too. Am I nuts or what ? Maybe. Yep, I just answered me. Must be. No I’m not. Yes I…
        Sorry MSB, I’ll get out of your answer and have this discussion with me elsewhere.

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